Disappointed

I thought it was pretty much an established fact that the size of a country's ants increases in direct correlation to that land's exoticism. I can reveal this to be a myth. Cambodia's ants (at least Phnom Penh's) are the tiddliest, palest little weaklings you can imagine. Were they to meet one of our Brit ants (or "British Bulldogs" as I will call them from now on) down a dark twig, they wouldn't stand a chance.

I feel a strange mix of great disappointment and extraordinary pride.

Traffic

The traffic in Phnom Penh is truly crazy. Most people travel by Moto (moped), as I previously mentioned. Motos are not limited to just their drivers. I have seen whole families of five, Buddhist monks, a fridge (+driver and passenger!), and a helmetless toddler slouched asleep across the handlebars as his father negotiates the traffic. The “back seat” of a moto can be hired for $1-2 per journey within town. I have quickly learned that tuk tuk (a small carriage pulled by a moto) is a safer and more comfortable way to travel, though slightly more expensive at $2-3 per journey. The rules of the road are very simple : there are no rules. Well, perhaps one. If I am bigger than you it’s my right of way. If you are bigger then me, it’s your right of way. I have only seen 2 or 3 sets of lights, otherwise there are no road markings and no “give way” signs or lines. It’s not uncommon to see cars and bikes traveling on the wrong side of the road. Remarkably (pretty much) everyone seems to avoid each other. As a pedestrian, negotiating these roads can be a hair-raising experience. With the crazy roads and the dirt and dust walking is not the most pleasant way to get around. Finding at tuk tuk is never a problem though, with drivers offering their services about every 15 seconds…

Moto madness!

It's 33 degrees today and I've just taken a helmet-less* (slow) ride on the back of a moto (moped) back from a local restaurant where I had frog with ginger! I think that's all I need to say for now ;-)

* Mum, Dad and anyone else who cares about my brain, my motorbike helmet arrives tomorrow!

Arrival!

So here I sit in the Phenom Penh office! I finally made it! Lot's to write about, but not much time now. Will update properly soon.

Jelly! In coffee!

“I usually get panic attacks on planes but I took two Temazapan before I got on so I'm alright. My ex wife suggested I take them. I've got three ex-wives. I'm going to Bangkok to meet up with a girl I've been chatting with online. All set up by an agency. She doesn't speak English, but they will send an interpreter.” My flight companion is not the only one. A guy, I'd guess German, about 20 just walked by with a woman basically dressed like a prostitute. I'm not in some seedy district of Bangkok, this is the airport!

I have been awake about 20 hours now and I'm pushing back zzzzzs with an iced coffee with loads of chunks of jelly in it. Jelly! In coffee! They finally did it! I think I'd better only put this post up once I've had a night's sleep. I suspect I'm slightly delirious.

Another eight hours until the flight leaves for Phenom Penh. My plan is to eat things.

A beautiful sight!

The passport is in my hands! The flights are confirmed! Yes!!!

Sorted

My new passport should arrive on Wednesday 11th Feb and my flights are rebooked for Sunday 15th Feb. Nothing can go wrong.

Zen and the art of passport applications

I'm writing with slightly less humour today.... After 3 days running around London trying to make this happen, UK Passport service refused to renew my passport in 24hrs, because it was issued in Stockholm (where I used to live). They would/should have known this was the case at the time they advised me on the phone that it was possible to renew in 24hrs. As they did not, I have to wait 7 days for a new passport, therefore missing my flight which I only managed to get moved last time through extended, humiliating pleading (have you ever seen a salesman in a tutu bark like a dog? It's a miserable sight).

I cannot now say when I will get to Cambodia. I am hoping that Etihad Airways will reschedule my flight for the third time without further cost, but I am going to wait to rebook until I have a new passport in my hand. Total cost of all this so far (inc hotels in London, taxis (tube and bus were down in London when the snow hit), food, etc) is at least £500 as it stands....

So I'll be in the UK (probably Oxford) for another 7 – 10 days. BUY ME A DRINK : 07941 635 651.

And there are no leopards or even snowmen anymore.

Amazing snowmen!

Them : "The issue is that your passport has frayed edges. If you travel to Bangkok with that they will probably not let you through. They will then deport you back to the UK (and charge you for the flight) plus we will also pass on the fine we get charged, which can be several thousand pounds."
Me : "But it had the same frayed edges when I traveled to Berlin, Paris, Oslo and Stockholm!"
Them : "Yep, but Bangkok have just become really strict very recently."
Me : "OK, delay my flight until Tuesday, I'll get another passport"

(book hotel room for 2 nights, total £200. Take out £115 for fast track passport.)

God : "Let there be snow!"
Me : "God! This is why I am an atheist!"

Them : "The buses and most of the tubes are down so no one can get to work, so there are very few post offices open for you to get the passport forms from. You'll have to call round to find one that's open"
Me : "Dammit, I have no mobile..."

Them "Yes, this post office is open!"
Me : "Horray!"
Them : "But we are going to close in an hour so that staff can get home"
Me : "Taxi!"

Them : "We're closing the passport office until Wednesday. Bad luck."
Me : "Oh.. sh**"

Them : "Sorry, your flight cannot be delayed any further. You will have to rebook at full price."
Me : "Oh please! X 48
Them : "OK. OK, you fly out of Heathrow on Sunday 8th. Now get lost and leave us in peace"

I'll be staying in London tonight, meeting one of the very few people that can counter sign my passport application tomorrow and then spending the day in the passport office on Wednesday! After that not sure where I will be!

Made a new friend :




















STILL NO LEOPARDS.

Incredible Leopards!

I am sat on the bus to Heathrow. I dreamed about what Cambodia would be like last night. It was on the top of a very large hill, overlooking an infinite jungle. Everyone was very relaxed, but there were lots of leopards. And they were wandering around among the people. No one told me about the leopards...